Half a year with Sophie here

   

I didn't know there was such thing as Pregnancy and Infant loss day existed until I saw a few twitter posts. I'm a little late but I thought I'd share a little bit of my story.

Me and my husband have been together for four years. A year after we got married we decided to try for a baby. Fast forward two years, nothing happened. Since it had been two years with no results  I decided to get checked out by a fertility specialist. I had a  procedure done with iodine to see if my tubes were blocked but everything was ok. A little after a month had passed since my procedure and my breast kept hurting when ever I laid on my stomach. So for the hell of it I took a pregnancy test and  I was pregnant! I called my husband yelling with excitement and he couldn't believe it. I took two tests and he still couldn't believe I was pregnant. That same day we went to the clinic and they confirmed I was around 6 weeks. I was full of emotion, crying, calling my family to tell them the good news.And they were happy, they knew how much we  both wanted this. 

A month later we were getting ready to move from California to New Jersey. I remember boarding the plane, going to the bathroom and noticing some spotting. I knew something wasn't right but I kept positive and just brushed that incident off. Days later while in Pennsylvania visiting my mother-in-law, I noticed more bleeding. I was freaking out so we drove to the ER. We were there for about an hour and they did an ultrasound on me. I asked the tech if everything was ok and she said she couldn't "disclose" anything. So I waited to talk to the doctor, they assumed I wasn't far enough to clearly see the embryo but I knew I was around 12 weeks. They told me that I should see an OBGYN, so we did the following day. 

I had another ultrasound done and again the tech couldn't disclose anything. So we waited to see the doctor. It was the longest five minutes of my life. Waiting in the room with my husband with nothing but silence. Then the door opened, the doctor looked at me and said "I'm sorry, the baby has no heartbeat" I didn't cry, I couldn't, I was too much in shock. I walked away I felt empty, I had no voice no tears, nothing. 

We drove away and the water works began. I cried so much! I was so angry! I kept asking why this had to happen to me. Why was I being punished in such a cruel way. It sucked even more that I had just left California and I was on the other side of the country all alone beside my husband and his family. But I wanted my mom! I wanted my sister! I wanted them to hold me and tell me everything was going to be alright. A month later and I was doing "ok" I had accepted that I had lost the baby for a reason. This is something that I will never forget. Something that's forever imprinted in my mind. 

Fast forward two months later I started feeling that same pain with my breasts. I let a few days go by and I decided to buy a couple of pregnancy tests.
Here's what happened next


then this

  (ignore the last part, that's from my old blog)
and finally this

Sophia has been here for half a year. We can't express how much we love her and how much she has changed our lives.